Always low prices. Always robots!

so i ordered a tv off of walmart.com for my daughter for christmas. it's a 13 inch, disney princess tv, in a pink case with a little crown on top. disgusting, i know. but my kid is incredibly spoiled and incredibly girly, and she wanted santa to bring her a tv, so that's what santa is getting her. anyways, so i ordered it off of walmart.com the day after thanksgiving. it was supposed to arrive at my local walmart store within 10 business days, and i would get an email when it got there. 3 weeks went by before i got an email from them...and then, the email that i did get, didn't say that my tv had arrived. it said, basically, we've shipped your tv, but we don't know where it is, or when it will arrive, sorry for any inconvenience! like that's going to fly on christmas morning, when santa didn't bring anything and i have a disappointed 5 year old. so naturally, i called the 1-800 number listed in the email, to see if anyone could help me. and what did i get? machines. that's right, only machines. i went through every single menu option on that number, and all i got was a machine. and it wasn't one of those were you just hit buttons. no, this one wanted to talk to you, and wanted you to talk back! i hate those things! "i'm sorry, i didn't understand that." of course you didn't understand it...you're a fucking recording! argh! so then, i email walmart to complain about 1, not having my tv and 2, not being able to talk to a person at their so-called customer service line. and what happens next? i get a reply...also written by a machine! a stupid form letter, thanking me for my email and directing me to walmart.com if i have any questions!!! argh!!! i was set to tear my hair out when i got that email. but now, after reflecting a bit, i realize what's going on. walmart isn't in it for the stores. it's building a giant robot army, deep in whatever rural area its headquarters is, in a bid to take over the world. i can completely understand that, of course. but i at least will have the decency to use people as my slaves, not soulless machines! i can see it now...giant marauding robots, storming across the cities of america, looking like something out of the transformers movie, except they will have big yellow smiley faces on their heads. and they will smile and smile as they stomp your house to dust and then kidnap you and force you to spend all of your money at walmart before they feed you to their energy generator, to make power for the robots to live off of. it's progress! yay.

but on the plus side, the tv did finally arrive. so now we can go ahead and have christmas. i like christmas (when it's actually december and not october). spoiling my kid is fun. and so it having two days off work. it's great to be a state employee! i love getting presents, of course. since my husband is incapable of buying anything for me, i mostly buy my own presents and then he just wraps them. i bought myself a shirt that has a picture of captain kirk and says "i slept with kirk...but who hasn't?" it's great! can't wait to wear it!

man, i am getting sleepy. it's only 9 pm, but i think it is time for bed already. damn winter, makes me tired and lazy. so i am off for now. i will leave you with a quote that i was thinking about today, one which has made quite a difference in my life, by my favorite philosopher, dave barry. "the books all say that barracuda very rarely eat people, but very few barracuda can read..."