A Short Cure for Momentary Boredom

Hello, minions! How are you today? Good, I hope. Unless you're one of the many, many people that have pissed me off lately, then I hope you have intestinal worms or something.

I just wanted to make a very short post today, on a couple of amusing things I've seen in the past couple of days. To begin with, have you ever watched Dirty Jobs? It's a great show on the Discovery Channel. The host goes around to different places and does dirty jobs, like collecting road kill, or helping a scientist determine what snakes are eating by making them throw up, or working at a pig farm. There have been many episodes revolving around farm animals, and these usually involve inseminating the animals. That poor man has inseminated (which also sometimes involves collecting the sperm, which, as you can imagine, is rather interesting) cows, horses, and turkeys, on episodes that I have watched. Last night was the turkey insemination. That was fun. The girl turkeys kept pooping on him.

Also yesterday, when I was driving to work, I saw a car pulled onto the shoulder, with its front left tire missing. There was a sort of burning smell in the air. A little ways on, there was a tire, rolling down the freeway at 65 miles an hour. Apparently, the tire fell off while the person was driving and, according to one of the laws of thermodynamics (I would look up which one, but I really don't care all that much) it kept rolling, because an object in motion tends to stay in motion until acted upon by an outside force. Well, the outside force was the guard rail. The tire rolled across all four lanes of the freeway (and remember, there was other traffic on the road, which had to slow and swerve to avoid the rolling tire), bumped into the guard rail, kept rolling back across the freeway to bump into the other guard rail, and finally stopping, spinning like a dropped coin, to lay on the shoulder until the poor schmuck in the tire-less car came to get it. Sucks to be him!

I also wanted to point out a new feature of this wonderful blog. If you look all the way down at the bottom of the page, you will notice that I finally figured out how to install a hit counter! (I figured out to have my husband do it for me! Yay me!) So you have to open this page lots of times, so that my hit counter will show that lots and lots of people are reading my blog and my (already huge) ego can grow even more. Thanks!

Happy Stupid Day!

So, was yesterday today National Stupid Day, and nobody bothered to tell me? Because that's what it seems like. I encountered scores of idiots yesterday. I swear, one of these days, the massive amount of stupidity that I have to deal with is going to drive me insane, and I am either going to have an aneurysm, or I am going to start killing people with a machete. I know which one I think would be more fun.

Seriously, though, people just love to drive me crazy. As always, my elevator-ific seat at work was a constant source of joy. This really really really (did I say really) annoying woman, who ALWAYS wants to talk to me, though I have made it clear many times that I am not the talkative type, decided that this time, since I had headphones on and obviously couldn't hear her (it apparently never occurs to people that I can hear them just fine, I just like to use the headphones as an excuse to ignore them), she would pound on my desk until I was forced to look at her. That's right! She pounded on my desk with her fist until I turned to look at her. And then said "Hi!" with a nice cheery smile, and walked away. I would have loved to follow her and strangle her with my headphone cord but, unfortunately, killing stupid people is still illegal in most states.

Then, I had this wonderful, enlightening experience. I had sent a file back to one of the other workers at my office, with a note asking her to correct a mistake she had made. The mistake was on parts 6, 7, and 8 so, on my note, I put to correct #6-#8. Now, as a normal human being (if, indeed, you are a normal human being) what does that mean to you? It means #6 through #8, yes? Not #6 and #8. But #6 and #8 is exactly what she fixed, totally ignoring #7. I am amazed that she is actually able to walk erect.

Then, of course, there were other, incidental annoyances. The supervisor from another department who asked me to do something for her while I was on my lunch break, and when I refused (pointing to the giant pink sign hanging from my monitor that says "BREAK"), gave me a look like a dead fish, all bulging eyes and O mouth. Or the mere sight of the anorexic woman. She looks like a starving 10 year old boy--no boobs, no butt, nothing but bones, a concave stomach, and weird spiky hair. (Personally, I think she should come as an Ethiopian for Halloween--all she would need is some flies to buzz around her eyes, and maybe one of those tall sticks.)

But, by far, the worst example of stupidity that I saw all day was driving home (big surprise, isn't it?) First, it took me a good 10 minutes to get on the freeway, because right past the on-ramp, a garbage truck had gotten into an accident with a pickup truck, and they were blocking off one of the lanes. Yes, you read that right. A big, blue, stinky, garbage truck. What the hell it was doing on the freeway at all is beyong me. I really think that large vehicle like that should be confined to regular streets, because when I'm blowing down the freeway at 75 mph, the last thing I want is to get stuck behind a slow, hulking thing like that. And then, once I managed to get off the freeway (without colliding with a garbage truck) I had this experience. Twice, within half a mile of each other. Both times, someone was trying to make a left-hand turn across traffic. They thought they had an opening, so they pulled out into the next lane, but then they realized that they didn't have time to make it. So then they just sat there, blocking the lane, forcing traffic to slow or swerve. Twice!!

And people wonder why I want a rocket launcher on my car!