Good or Bad?

Hello, all my little flying monkeys! So glad to see you again, I hope you are doing well! I have missed you so much since the last time we spoke!

Okay, enough of that crap.

Today, we are going to talk about things that should be good, but turn out not to be, for various reasons, illustrated by two examples from my own recent life.

The first example is ice cream. Now, I love ice cream. It is one of the best inventions ever, right behind hot showers, Coca-Cola, and vibrators. But the other day, I discovered how ice cream can be bad. The Dark Side of Ice Cream, if you will. This is what happened: There was an ice cream sale at work, so of course, I went to buy something. The ice cream was in a little electric-powered freezer. There were fudgesicles, which looked awfully appetizing, so I got one. Went back to my desk, unwrapped my fudgesicle, popped it in my mouth...and discovered that the freezer was apparently set too cold. Have you ever stuck your tongue on a freezing pole in winter, and it gets stuck, and you have to rip the skin (or whatever it is) off your tongue to get free? Well, that is exactly what it was like, only chocolate flavored. And it wasn't just my tongue, but my lips, too. Once I got free and began to actually eat my ice cream (after I let it melt a little, just to be sure we wouldn't have a repeat of the tongue-ripping) I began to see little red streaks against the brown of the chocolate. Yes, it was blood. A nice bloody, chocolate ice cream bar. Yum.

My second example of good things gone bad comes from this weekend. My husband and I actually had an overnight babysitter for our daughter, something that hasn't happened in more than a month, so we decided to take advantage of it by going to the movies. And, since the house would be kid-free, I figured we would have some adult-oriented extracurricular activities when we got home, so I decided to dress cute. Make up, jewelry, low-cut shirt, sparkly silver shoes, the works. So that was great, I looked hot, everything was fine...until I was standing in line at the concession stand at the theatre, trying to get some popcorn. I was next in line, behind an old man who told the popcorn worker that he wanted "new popcorn, and make sure you stuff it in good." That right there should have warned me. But there I stood, waiting patiently, watching the popcorn, when the old man turned to me, looked me up and down, and said, "Nice shoes." I turned to him, eyebrow raised, and said, "Thanks," and then turned away. A clear "Don't talk to me anymore" signal, if every I've heard of one. But he was not deterred. He moved so he could see my face again, looked down at my cleavage, and said "Nice shirt!" with a dirty-old-man smile on his face. Needless to say, I didn't thank him this time. I gave him a dirty look and proceeded to ignore him, my sexiness ruined.

So we see that even things we think of as good can be bad, under the right circumstances. The lessons I have learned from these two situations are, 1) let your ice cream melt a little before you stick it in your mouth, and 2) carry pepper spray to get rid of nasty old men that are looking down your shirt.