Miss Manners on Crack

In today's installment of "The Stupid Things People Do That Bug the Crap Out of Me" we're going to discuss two egregious breaches of etiquette that have been committed against me in the past few days: the Pop-In, and People asking Questions about Your Reproductive Status that are None of Their God Damn Business.

First, the Pop-In. If you are not a fan of Seinfeld (and if not, what is wrong with you? That is one of the best shows ever!) you may not have heard of it, but a Pop-In is when someone shows up at your house unannounced and uninvited. Like what my mother-in-law did on Friday night. Now, the m-i-l and I aren't on the best of terms as it is, but I put up with her crap because it gets me a free babysitter sometimes. But she is definitely not my favorite person. And this incident does nothing to endear her to me.

So Friday night, me and my kid are sitting around in our pj's, relaxing. She was playing, I was watching tv. Not just any tv, either, but the second part of the 2 part season finale of Monk, one of my favorite shows. Monk had faked his own death to beat a murder charge, and everyone was going crazy trying to figure out what was happening, and I was really into it...and then my phone rang. Now, thanks to the wonderful invention of caller i.d., I saw it was the m-i-l, and decided not to answer, knowing I could call her back later. I hit "ignore" and went back to my show, thinking that was the end of it. Ha! How stupid of me! Two minutes later, there's a knock on my front door...right in the middle of my show! And what to my wondering eyes should appear but that stupid woman! I was not amused, to put it mildly.

But I let her in, against my will, to see what she wanted. Big mistake. All she wanted was to give my daughter a Valentine's Day present, which had been sitting at her house for 2 weeks, so there's no reason she couldn't have waited until I answered the damn phone to bring it over. But she doesn't have the sense to see that. The woman is a psychologist, for god's sake. You would think she would understand human nature, such as the desire not to be disturbed by people pounding on your door without warning. And yet she has absolutely no common sense. So anyways, she came in and started wanting to chat, but I flatly ignored her until the commercial, at which point I started edging her towards the door. Totally ruined my Monk-watching experience. No wonder I can't stand her. When she's old, I'm going to make my husband put her in a nursing home.

Now, for the second item. This is another one of my "I really hate sitting by the elevator" stories, but I can't help it. I really do hate sitting by the elevator, because it gives all sorts of stupid people an excuse to say really stupid things to me! Like today, when a woman with whom I am just barely acquainted (enough to say hi when we pass in the hallway, but definitely not enough to stop to talk) came up to the elevator, hit the button, said hi and then just blurted out "So when are you going to have a baby?" Like it's any of her business! I'm sorry, but my reproductive plans are not waiting-for-the-elevator talk! Especially not with people I barely know. If we know each other well enough to discuss the details of our sex lives, then you can ask me questions about when I want to have another child. Just a rule of thumb for those of you who were wondering what the proper etiquette in that situation is.