thanksmooning

so i'm sitting at work right now, pondering how i really hate christmas carols. okay, not carols so much, as just carols when it's not even christmas, not even freaking december yet! and yet people are blasting them right and left. it's just like at the store. i went to walmart two days after halloween, and there was already a giant christmas tree at the entrance. it's like thansgiving is just a suburb of christmastown, and we breeze through it at 75 mph, not even pausing to look around for the turkeys before we run them over and eat them.
speaking of thanksgiving, i had just a great one. first, lunch with my husband, kid, and my aunts, who are quite frankly the only even remotely sane blood relatives that i have. then, after my husband went to work, i went to my parents' house. now there's a treat! take two psychotically republican catholics, mix in two teenage boys, and you get: snippy insults to both clinton and obama, and a mooning display! at least the mooning was amusing.
my family is insane. but at least they aren't as bad as my in-laws. now there's a real nuthouse. my family only argues with me about politics because they know i don't agree with them. my in-laws all vote the same way, and yet they still manage to find things to fight about! and they had hawaiian chicken for thanksgiving dinner. i would rather go visit the psycho-mooners than deal with that crap.
on black friday, i was supposed to go shopping at 4:30 a.m., but my shopping partner sent me a text message that she didn't feel good. frankly, i think she was lying. she probably just stayed up late the night before having sex. since it was thanksgiving sex, it probably included phrases like "let me stuff you!" and "how about some sweet potatoes?" and other such drivel. disgusting. so i went back to bed.
i did end up going shopping later that day. i even finished all of my christmas shopping, even for really annoying-to-shop-for people, like my great-uncle-in-law. honestly, what do you buy an 80+ year old man with no known interests? i got him a robe.
while i was out, i had a wonderful idea. see, it was snowing, and it almost never snows, so when it does, everybody drives more like an idiot than normal, which is really saying something. (i once spoke to a woman who insisted that stop signs are "suggestions." which should tell you something about the quality of drivers here.) so i was sitting at a stop light, watching all the idiots run the red light, and i had my great idea. instead of red light cameras, which they have now, i think we should have red light tire spikes. the light turns red and bam! up pop spikes, so any light runners get their tired punctured and everyone beats them to death for blocking the intersection. this plan is definitely getting implemented when i take over the world.